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“Have you ever wanted someone so much,” I say slowly, “that it feels like your atoms are vibrating when you’re away from them? Like you’re half of a whole, and your body knows it. And until you’re in their arms again, every single piece of you is straining toward them because… because they’re your home. They’re part of you. Your beginning and your never-ending. How? How do I move on from that?”

– Lucky, To Catch a Firefly

Every now and then I know from the very first page that a book is going to be five stars. To Catch a Firefly by Emmy Sanders is one of those books. I mean, come on, just LOOK at this cover. Plus, it currently has a full five star rating on Amazon right now, which isn’t easy to do.

This is an MM, friends to lovers romance between Lucky and Ellis, two boys who grow up together in rural Nebraska. They meet when Lucky moves next door and Ellis’ mother encourages Ellis to go next door to meet the new boy. From the very first moment, we watch Lucky fully accept Ellis for exactly who he is and we feel potent emotions that Ellis experiences as he’s accepted.

Ellis has selective mutism and is on the spectrum. Emmy paints such a lovely picture of this character, as Ellis is perfectly content with himself, which we learn later is due to his mother’s excellent parenting. This is the first story I’ve read with a character, who has selective mutism. I’ve never met anyone in real life with this challenge, so I’m not sure how accurate the representation is in this story, but it seemed believable and handled with sensitivity. The author writes his speech, sometimes, in italics, which was such a beautiful way to represent his way of communicating through silence and, what I imagine to be, body language. Often Lucky responds to Ellis as if they are having an out-loud conversation; as if he fully understands Ellis on a deep level. Doesn’t that feel right though? Have you ever connected with someone on a soul level? You can have full conversations without saying anything because you know this person so well.

The first few chapters note the passage of time as Ellis notes his firsts; first fight I ever got into, etc. I’ve not seen this device used before and I liked how it moved the story forward smoothly, through memories and context rather than plot. I mean, it is plot, but it seems…softer? Necessary. I don’t know how to describe it, but it made sense to me.

Over time, the story expands, as Lucky lands his dream job as a photojournalist and travels the world. We go along on these trips with him, sometimes experiencing them through plot and sometimes in the phone calls home to Ellis. I love the choice that Emmy makes here. If we were to always read Lucky’s travel through first person plot, we would feel separated from Ellis, as if Ellis doesn’t exist in the moments we are with Lucky. That connecting piece of a simple call to Ellis at the end of the day emphasized the importance of their relationship. The characters seem to be in the same room together, even though, physically, they are not. Such a great device.

Every word of this book is purposeful and calculated. The prose depicts emotional brushstrokes, coaxing the masterpiece of this story to fruition. The relationship builds slowly then all at once, as the longing, waiting, want transforms into ownership, satisfaction, and belonging. I wanted to live in this story forever, to wander in the corn fields, to touch the waterfalls, to ride in the pick up, and catch the fireflies. There are so many gems weaved into this book that I’ll definitely be reading it again in the future, just to discover them all.

Emmy has a pretty decent back catalog, so if you’re interested in exploring, you can check out her website here. Obviously, To Catch a Firefly received five bright stars from me and I want everyone I know to read it immediately. If you read this or any of Emmy’s other books, let me know!