March has been a weird month for me. In January and February, I read 30 books total, kept up with a reading journal, started a blog, and published 11 posts. Then March came around and everything kind of…collapsed. Whenever I searched for a new book, I had a hard time finding stories that interested me. I would start and DNF or when I did find a book, it would take longer than usual to complete. The blog topics that were seemingly bursting out of me in February, all but dried up in March.

Consistency has always been a huge challenge for me. I would set goals in January and do very well for a few weeks. Then I would fall off the map and come down on myself extremely hard. In this new decade of my life, I’ve tried so hard to break the harsh self-talk. When it comes down to it? Goals are fictional. They are this imaginary thing that we think, “hey I want to do a thing” and when we don’t do it, it seems like we’ve let ourselves down. That’s just not true. There’s no law that dictates whether or not we should accomplish stuff, right? Goals are just a way to spice up life, give us purpose, and spend our time. So why can’t I believe it?

This blog wasn’t ever an official goal of mine. It was something I’ve thought about for a while, but never thought to try until one day, I started it on a whim. I had a bunch of topics swimming around in my head, for which I didn’t have an outlet. My family and friends aren’t into reading fantasy or contemporary romance like I am. They don’t listen to romance podcasts or follow Booktokers. They don’t get drunk and buy way too many books on Amazon. If I say, “Hello, Feyre Darling” around them, they don’t swoon. I’m part of a community of people, just like me, who I will never meet because they don’t know that I exist. In posting my ramblings, I was hoping to change that, in a small way. So far I’ve collected a handful of subscribers and a few authors have commented on my tweets. It all gave me such a thrill that I thought I would be highly motivated to make this a regular thing. So why did it all change?

I don’t have any answers to these questions, which is a problem. All I can think of is that life is cyclical and maybe it’s important for me to remember that my attention will ebb and flow. Some months are going to be lean and some will be plentiful with creativity and curiosity. Today I updated my google sheet book tracker with the books I read and purchased so far this month. I also updated my reading journal. Both of those actions inspired me to write this post because I’m sure that some of you out there have had this experience. Some of you are authors (which is incredibly impressive, by the way), so I would love to hear about your motivation has waned and what you’ve done to get out of your slump. That goes for writing, reading, or anything else that you’re working towards. Here’s to rededicating myself to my goals!